Office by Alex Penny
I'm a Sophomore at Purchase College, and as such, I will share with you my deep insights about life here in the wonderful land of college! Feel free to ask and college-y questions or submit your own facts for the blog. I am not endorsed in any way by Purchase College.
In college, you may eventually end up getting out of the dorms and living in an apartment. This is great, more space, no meal plan etc. Except one day you’ll try and cook lunch and you’ll find out just how sensitive the fire alarms are. Before you know it, you’ve created a national emergency and homeland security will swoop out of the sky and take you away. Or well, at least UPD will come and take your information and look around your apartment a bit, but it’s still a hassle and your neighbors will probably be a bit mad at you for a while.
College Fact 34: Shameless Self Promotion Edition
In college, sometimes you’ll run a blog that is referential or otherwise affiliated with the school you attend. When you do this, many of your ramblings and posts will reach an audience mainly composed of students who attend the school. As such, other affiliated blogs may send you things to be placed on your blog advertising them. These things have nothing to do with your blog or it’s style of post and may be considered in somewhat poor taste.
Editor’s note: I am not now or will I ever be (most likely) affiliated with the Purchase Ultimate team, nor any club at purchase as of right now, I have too much work to do to be involved in such things. I only used their submissions as example, and may mention them in jest in a future post because of it. I am also not officially affiliated with SUNY Purchase, although they do follow me and like the occasional post so I guess they approve. (See the side note posted between Facts 22 and 23)
Also, just because I used the post of the ultimate frisbee team as an example does not mean I will advertise your clubs or events for you, that’s your job, not mine and If you send me an advertisement, I will likely make fun of it. I do realize the irony of posting this in the fact that I am in fact advertising them by talking about them, and I will accept this as an unavoidable downside to running this blog.
-L
In college there occurs a magical time once a year at the end of May. When this time comes around, you will have been going hard for 15 straight weeks and even harder than normal the past two or three. Whether the five weeks off that preceded the semester wasn’t long enough or classes are just more work in the spring, you always seem more exhausted by May than you do in December, and at this glorious moment in the year your summer begins.
Unfortunately, fun in the sun and a break from classes will soon give way to seemingly endless hours of work (or parents nagging at your lack thereof), disenchantment with your high school friends who you no longer have much in common with, and the overwhelming urge to go back to school and to friends who you probably like better than most of those which you had in High school.
And there will still be a month left before it’s time to return.
In college, sometimes you’ll have to do something known as a “group project”. I put the quotes around the term as that’s what it is called but never what it is. Inevitably, these projects end up not being a group effort and end up being a project of which a more appropriate title would be “One person does all the work while the others pull by with minimal effort project”. Also, that one person who does all the work will almost always inevitably be you.
it wouldn’t have been so disconcerting if the fires found in the trash cans weren’t so suspicious
Damn Suspicious Fires
College Fact 31
In College, sometimes people are assholes. This assholery may lead them to do something stupid, like start a fire in a couple trashcans. Your school may then respond accordingly to comfort you. However, this will lead to a much more sinister problem than assholes, such as suspicious fires sneaking all up in your dorm.
In college, you may want to take a class on video art. As much as you think you’ll enjoy this class, you may often find yourself spending long hours in the library working. Not because it’s especially hard or more time consuming than other forms of art, but because you’ll be spending hours waiting for the video to render, and just as long trying to upload it to youtube or vimeo.
In college, I don’t have time for wit, I finals to study for and projects to complete.
In college, there is a time that comes but once a semester but will effect you for at least one more and potentially the rest of your college career. This time is called registration. It’s a time of much confusion as people scramble to capture time slots with wild creatures known as “Advisers” and then to scramble further to make sure everything goes just right so they can be guaranteed the classes they need to graduate on time and have the best semester possible while doing so. Almost as stressful as a final in the class you never went to because the teacher never took attendance, many younger students will find their plans derailed as every class closes in around them. Leaving two choices, putting off your classes until you can get in another semester, or going on an impossible missing that not even Tom Cruise would attempt and seeking out teachers to get IAC codes. And then after that, they’ll find that because the school offers a weird amount of credits, they’ll end up one credit over and will need to go through their stubborn adviser one last time to get their OAC before they can finally rest.
And don’t worry, unlike a mission good ol’ Tommy boy would take on, this message won’t self destruct.
The Stood: n; The Stood, short for The Student Center (although Stude would seem a more appropriate shortening, but Os are easier to make with Christmas lights), Is a place where student’s may go at night that serves various purposes. These include skateboarding and video gaming on free arcade games, but also may include copious amounts of drunk and/or drug addled students partaking in various parties/shows/general debauchery in the setting of a somewhat ugly worn down building that has been painted on every surface possible in some form or other. Despite it’s worn down structure, the building may become a home away from home for the downtrodden or more likely, the people who are simply addicted to Hydro thunder.
Student 1: Hey, I hear Mokaad is playing at the stood tonight
Student 2: That sounds like some sort of method of transport in africa or something, so I’ll assume they’re awesome!
See also: The Simpsons Arcade Game
In college, sometimes, whether due to boredom or to appease a friend, or perhaps even genuine interest, you may find yourself wanting to watch some type of video over the internet. It may be a movie on netflix, an episode of your favorite tv show, or even just keyboard cat for the 85th time this week. Regardless of the video however, you will learn a valuable lesson. Namely, that your school’s internet sucks. Despite the many uses in these modern times, it seems that you’re trying to load you’re video on dial-up from the mid-nineties. Unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do about this because your school figures they’ve done enough after increasing the bandwidth so you can maybe watch a movie if you can bring yourself to watch it at a time when no one in the world is awake and/or on the internet.
